


Crack Fic #1

by Kkyogre



Series: Crack Fics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bladed Asses, Elephant!Eren, M/M, Other, Squirrel!Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:59:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kkyogre/pseuds/Kkyogre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>read it for a wild time yee boiii</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crack Fic #1

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry im really really sorry i dont know what possessed me to make this but im not 100% sure i entirely regret it

From Levi: Just had Taco Bell, anal l8r? ;)  
To Levi: yee bby 

Levi stormed into the room, his massive erection springing free from his polka dot silk boxers. Eren looked up, eyes widening in pure arousal. “Eren,” Levi started, his voice dripping with sexiness, “I need… the D…” Eren’s eyes, glistening, traced the outline of Levi’s erect staff. Levi approached Eren, tearing his pants off in one swift motion. “Take me.” He said, staring down at the tent in Eren’s duck dynasty underpants.  
“Zooweemama,” Eren gasped, taking in the girth. “I don’t think it will fit,” Eren said, pulling down his pants to reveal yet another pair of duck dynasty underwear. He pulled down his extra pair–you know, the one he always wears in case if he has another ‘accident’ with his ‘titan’–and he revealed a baby carrot-sized dick. “I’m too big to fit into your tight little tushie,” Eren purred seductively.  
“Pound the alarm,” Levi said, “I want your love, I want your revenge, Eren. I want your bad romance.” Levi pushed Eren onto the bed, removing his plain brown shirt and hello kitty bra.  
“Levi… let me be your ruler…”  
“Ruler… Can I call you queen bee?” Levi moaned in response as he cupped Eren’s baby boner.  
“And baby I’ll rule.” Eren responded, moaning as he thrust into Levi’s long gangly yaoi hands.  
“I’m bringin’ sexy back, yeah,” gurgled Levi.  
“But whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?” Teased Eren, swinging his thrOBBING STAFF MEMBER LIKE A LITTLE HELICOPTER GOING NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.  
“Imma get you love drunk off my humps,” groaned Levi, his pulsating dingle dangle hard against the bed sheets. Levi clambered on top of Eren, sitting directly on top of his microscopic pleasure pencil. He ground the fag end of his body into Eren’s twitching teeny-weenie love machiney. Eren chirped like a small little squirrel before he transformed into the aforementioned nut-eating creature.  
“Gimme ya nuts!” Squirrel!Eren cried in a small voice. “Squirrels aren’t the only things I can transform into!” Eren added enthusiastically before becoming and elephant and crushing Levi’s dick.  
“Kinky ;),” Levi purred. Blood was now spewing out of Levi’s now stumpy dick. Eren bent over, spraying titan blood from his elephant trunk all over Levi’s dickless crotch. Levi’s crotch began to sparkle and glow, an suddenly a three foot dick sprang out of his left thigh.  
“Surprise bitch,” the thigh-dick screamed in a hellish, demonic voice. “Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.” Levi groaned in annoyance. He’d seen one too many demon thigh-dicks in his life, and he didn’t feel like putting up with it right now. Pulling a sword out of his anal cavity, Levi sliced off the thigh-dick with a painful scream.  
Piss and blood began to shoot everywhere as Eren thrust his elephant-dick into Levi’s bladed anal cavity. Eren cried out in both a bit of ecstasy and horrid pain. Elephant!Eren trumpeted with al of his might, as he came aggressively into Levi’s round booty. He felt himself grow limp, as Levi collapsed on him. Eren transformed back into his regular self, only to realize that Levi had died due to the shards of metal and other various weapons in his anus.  
The next week they had a pretty okay funeral for him, as they launched his plagued body into the inner city wall, poisoning the rich, by using the poor.  
Eren then broke into the inner city wall by transforming into a titan and eating all of the small children the end.


End file.
